All right. This is the second theatrical appearance of South Park. And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin', Learn More About The New Episode - Japanese Toilets. ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". [Screen fades from black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo]. Where did these people find employment! Edgar Balthazar: Cats inherit first! Oh! His chin isvery weak too. Which pets get to sleepon velvet mats? Mark Elliott: This summer, share the feeling. This family, mother, father, four kids. Suchan exciting day. Toulouse: Females never fiight fair. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. But I don't remember what was so "bad." Send us a tip using our anonymous form. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! Web. O'Malley: [Chuckles]Now that's quite a family. No, it's less than that. Duchess:Because of our owner. Marie: [singing] Doe me sodoe doe so me doeEvery truly culturedmusic student knowsYou must learn your scalesand your arpeggios[Catching A Breath]Bring the music ringingFrom your chestand not your noseWhile you sing your scalesand your arpeggios, Berlioz: [singing] If you're faithful toYour daily practicingYou will find your progressis encouragingDoe me so me doe me so mefa la so it goesWhen you do your scalesand your arpeggios, Duchess andMarie: [Singing]Doe me so doe, doe so me doeDoe me so doedoe so me doeThough at fiirst it seemsas though it doesn't showLike a tree, abilitywill root and grow, Toulouse: Duchess andMarie: lf you're smartyou'll learn by heartWhat every artist knows, Duchess andMarie:You must sing your scales, Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good evening,my little ones. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]Come on, Edgar. He's been hereall the time. WebThe Aristocats! Butler did it. I'm outta here! Uhoh, yes. Billy Boss: So? (outloud)Of course you can. Ooh. I'll saywhen it's the end. Hiya, chicks. Answer me please. But I was so surethat I heard them. How did they develop this act? Both of you, go ahead. O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. I almost fell. Edgar Balthazar: Careful, sir. But I'm a mouse! Something horrible is happening. The Aristocats! Ow! [offscreen]Gethim, get him, get him, get him! WebComedians don't tell jokes. I've had all the help I can take. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. WhyEdgar? Aufwiedersehen. Mama, I'm afraid! Shall we keep himin the family? [ Sighing ], Lafayette: Well, shootfire, man. Subscribe for more terrible shit! Hop aboard the motorcycle. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them. Get out! [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Lafayette:Well, he didn't hurt me. Duchess:Oh, darling, if,if only I could. Abigail: And look at his crooked smile. Jillette and Provenza tell dirty jokes. Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. Roquefort:[ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I've heard your name. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. I havea cracker with me. One squeakywheelon the front, it sounds like. Sleep well. Everything is going to be all right. Sounds like Scat Cat andhis gang have dropped by. I simply wantto make my will. These pesky pets of mine will never come back. Something horrible's happening! The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. Genghis Kahn, for god sakes. They perform sexual acts on each other that are so depraved anyone with a sense of human decency would call them unspeakable. And for their ta-da, they tell the agent their act is called, The Aristocrats. In the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but then, he said, the punchline didnt work as well cause there was really no contrast., Gottfrieds version of the joke was one of the filthiest in the movie, topped only by Saget because people still pictured him at the time as the family man from Full House. Good evening, Duchess. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. [The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart] In their first and only feature-length motion picture. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing] Oh, Berlioz. The zygote goes through a process of becoming an. Edgar Balthazar:Duchess,wherever have you been? You're comin' on. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. I never would have guessed. [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! Toulouse,Marie, where are you? I'm the leader! While Madame and Georges are asleep. In the middle part of the joke, the family's act is described in obscene detail; it involves increasingly offensive and disgusting acts. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. WebIn the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but The 100 Best Albums of 2022, But thats a whole other story, he deadpanned. Madame isexpecting you, sir. Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. Andy Richter: And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause] and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews? Buzz Lightyear: Hey! The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Two cats throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him. I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! "The Aristocrats Quotes." Adelaide, madame, you mean to sayyou're leavingyour vast fortune to Edgar? Mm. Clopin and Chorus: [singing] BellsofNotreDame! Oh, are you all right? Duchess: Now, now, my darling. We're on holiday. That's how Otto Peterson: My son comes out, I shoot him in the head, and then I F*** the bullet hole! I've only got one. [Chuckling] Now this calls for another cracker. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. Woody: [Shakes Buzz's head] You're a toy! It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. All Rights reserved. Roquefort: Oh, thank you. This kitten cat knows where it's at! Oops! Lafayette: Napoleon, I'm plumbgoose-pimply scared! Napoleon: And whoever it isis gonna get it and get it good. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]That bird cage? It will come later. Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. Georges Hautecourt:Very well. We give the first few rows garbage bags. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! 2005. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]No, no, no, Georges. We're on our way to Paris. Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? Now, you want to grow up to be lovely,charming ladies and gentlemen. Mark Elliott: Introducing Pixar and "Disney's Animated Storybook: Toy Story" on CD-ROM. I've got to do something quick! Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. Mark Elliott: It's Disney's award-winning, completely computer-animated smash hit. A man goes into a bar and says to the owner. Splendid! Sarah Silverman: Joe Franklin loved The Aristocrats. WebThe Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Napoleon: Hush your mouth, you idiot. Gilbert Gottfried: And then the talent agent says, "That's awful. [Growling]. And bring back f***ing major world leaders of the past 60 years, like Hitler. I'm frightfully sorry, sir! Cassim: You don't stand a chance against the King of Thieves. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story", the newest Disney sensation on video. [offscreen]Any last words? Big Man O'Malleyis back in his alley. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. We shall fly to Parison a magic carpet,side by side. You know, your country chateau? Toulouse: Yeah. And that's the act. Roquefort:Oh, now, wait a minute,fellas. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" Duchess, it's wonderfulto have you all back. Ho, ho, ho! It received publicity when it was used by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner in September 2001. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_144090, https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_quotes_144090. His name is O'Toole. Whoo-whoo! Fisherman's luck. Short no. [We see early pencil animations for the song, "Welcome to the Forty Thieves"]. Duchess: Well, darlings, l--I just don't know. Mark Elliott: And everyone's favorite characters. Edgar was in it. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. How did they develop this act! Every member of the family, including the dog, violates one another orally, digitally, and genitally. Hmm? The Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! Lafayette:How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man? [Clips of "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" are shown]. The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. Well, there it is. [onscreen]The baggage truck willbe here any moment now. I've just gotto find them. [Screaming]Nice doggy! You've got it! There's always something new and emotional from Disney. Milkman:Sapristi! "Slip of the hand, dreamland.". Web- The "Aristocrats." O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! Edgar stabs a mound of hay with a pitchfork. [Screen fades from black, showing some of the locations from the film]. [ Grunting ]Go away! a one-wheeled haystack. Duchess: Oh, ho, ho,you are charming! Thank goodness you're safe! The cat runs to the stable door and locks it. Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts pissing all over. The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time That's four times twelve. Clickety. Lafayette [offscreen]I got him, I got him, I got him! [Hiccupping]Look. No. [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. [Everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood cheers for Pooh while they sit around a table] Carefully restored to it's original brilliance. And, Berlioz,well, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman. Sounds like a gangof swinging hep cats. You know Edgaris so fond of all of usand takesvery good care of us. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Yeah. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. Duchess: Now that will do, honey. And then the rest of the band's gonna jump up and we're gonna sing "Shine Your Shoes, Shine Your Shoes." You justdon't understand. Frou-Frou: [ Chuckles ]You're quite welcome, young man. and the father goes, "Watch us." He says, "Wow, that sounds good, what do you call this act?" Abigail: Yes. Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. Toulouse. Edgar! O'Malley runs and Edgar chases him. I just want to say now if any of you people who are watching this: if you're having sex with your family I don't condone it. sporkythespaz. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. Let's be nice to our new friends. I'm the only cat of my kind. The kid starts spinning around in a circle cause he can't control it. Duchess? You didn't say anything about blood." Well. Andy Richter: [in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt. August 12, 2005 Look, pal, [offscreen]you go get Scat Catand his gang of alley cats. Lafayette:Well, c'est la guerre,Napoleon. "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. And that was my vacation. That feels good,Lafayette. Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. [Snarling, Hissing, Spitting ]. Duchess: Marie, darling. Roquefort:You're darn tootin'I'm on the level! Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. Duchess: Oh, no more, please. Gee, I'm cold and I'm w-wet. WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. 7:01. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story". Edgar Balthazar: Your favorite dishprepared a very special way. Whew! I-l mean, eat--Eat well, of course. Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! Duchess: Well, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived. Marie: Oh noI wouldn'ttake up much room. [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, that,that music. Toulouse: Hey, guys. You know. We must both lookour best for Georges when he gets here. - What? Duchess: Oh, c'est tres jolie,monsieur. Andy Richter: The brother comes out. Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. Duchess: Oh! Duchess: Say, what brings you two here? That's good. When they're seen upon an airing. One joke prevails over all others, however: The Aristocrats, a joke comedians keep back to tell each other (or themselves, as a warm-up act). [Laughing]Aren't you proud of me? Berlioz: [sighs] It's really hard to pronounce your name, man. Amelia: Abigail, we were bornwith flat feet. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the aristocrats. O'Malley: Well, now, uh--What I meant-- You see, l--. Rita Rudner: The people are abusing each other. Someday they're all goingto be yours, you sly old fox. My complimentsto the chef. It's like a hemorrhaging sh*t-ass. Hold on! Billy: No, but the rest is kind of hard to believe. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. O'Malley: Aloha. Billy Boss: Ha-ha! [ Chuckles ]Not as spry as I waswhen I was 80, eh? I was asleep a winkall day. So the piano player starts to play. The real joke is, it's not a Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Roquefort: Mm. But now we have tocook up a little spell. [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]. Whoo-whoo! O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. Poor Madame. Someday, we might meeta tough alley cat. Uncle Waldo: [Screaming]Abigail! The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. Andy Richter: And all the stuff shoots on her face. Napoleon: Ow, that's me! [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. There's incest. Maybe it would come out right now as an Look at that bridge! Amelia: And don't worry about form, sir. Fine. Coming soon to video! South Park - The Aristocrats Joke. The Magic Oracle: Follow the trail of the Forty Thieves. Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. Oh, please! The details of the joke change with every telling (and The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Naturellement! Berlioz: Andyou said we're gonnaride on your magic carpet. O'Malley:But-- But your owner is--Well, she's justanother human. [Roquefort runs to the trunk and works on the combination lock. Now, dear, you goto the piano and-- Run a long. Oh, they'll need help. The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. It's warmand, mm-mm, cozy. We just have togo home tomorrow. Napoleon: I'm the leader. (2x) But I think we shouldget on with the will. Berlioz: Oh, boy! I'll show you a little bit later. I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. Move! [1] It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously bill themselves as "The Aristocrats". And beyond! It looks like a serated sea snake. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. I can't wait. [Grunting]Lafayette! Which pets are knownto never show their claws? Amelia: Oh! After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". Victor: Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open. They're Oxford shoes. Scat Cat: Why, this is outrageous &crazy! Wait for me! That's 'causeI practice all the time. Stupid cat! This joke typically has these elementsalternative versions may change this form. 2023. And we blow Hitler, then next episode, we bite his dick off, ha ho! Roquefort: Don't come in! You see, my mistress, shewill beso worried about us. Scat Cat: [ Trumpet Blaring ][ Laughing ]Well, looky here. Duchess: No poetry to cover the situation,Monsieur O'Malley? Run! Now, just a few dunks. It falls over, shrieking. Roquefort:Hey, wait for me! [ Sighing ]Gee, I'm gonna miss them too. And each cat has nine lives. O'Malley: I'll bet they're onthat magic carpet right now. Winnie the Pooh! Come along, dear. [Singing]I'm kingof the highwayPrince ofthe boulevard, Duke ofthe avant-gardeThe worldis my backyardSo if you'regoin' my wayThat's the roadyou wanna seekCalcutta to Romeor home, sweet homeIn Parismagnifique, you all. [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! He could have arms like Popeye. Aristocats are never found in alley Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. On this Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the page across from the article title. [Dives off the bedpost and bounces off the ball with his helmet]. Oh! Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you could have lost your life. SMASH FLIX. But where? Oh, sorry, my dear. [The mouse clicks the light switch, which makes the room dark. Georges Hautecourt: Let go of my cane, man! Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. Why, oh why, is he allowing this to happen?, Editors picks You just hide over there and youleave the rest to J. Thomas O'Malley. Duchess: Marie! A family walks in to a talent agency. Millions. Now I'll never get my hat Plan B. Napoleon: Ooh, whoo, heh. Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. Art treasures,jewels and--. As I'm singing, "What'll I Have That I Don't Mario Cantone: Where'd that note go? I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. Don't worry. Duchess: Now, now, Thomas. And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. They start going down on each other all different kinds of combinations, there's 69, there's 29, cause the kids are young, there's 9. To my cats. [ Laughing ], Napoleon: You're not gonna believe this, man,but it's. Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. Scratch one butler. And that was my vacation. You are a great talent. Scram! Beau Weaver: From moviesto magical vacations. Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. Are you sure we can'tget home tonight? And he says, "The Osbournes.". So dysfunctional, it defies description. Berlioz:[offscreen]He's sure glad to see us. Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. Woody: [Walks to an alien and picks it up] Hello. Roquefort: [Sniffiing]Mm! The horse blocks the road. 0:55. Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. We British liketo keep things proper. They're gone! O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! Alright? Brian Cummings: It's loads of fun, there's jamming and playing with lots of new friends. In its most-basic form, a family goes to see a talent agent, performs their actwhich is comprised of disgusting depravityand once they finish, The work of a genius. Another cat slides a hook under the harness. Berlioz: Hey, do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir? A family walks in to a talent. Georges Hautecourt:Very good. Use your karate chop action! Oh, no. Mark Elliott: The "Toy Story: Animated Storybook" and "Toy Story: The Video Game", from Disney Interactive! And the talent agent goes, So what kind of act do you do? The father starts taking his shirt and jacket off. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! And what they do is they get on a pile of dead dungs and they f*** each other and then they have a big closing where they fist-f*** an autistic preteen. He's got a very huge wiener. Shun Gon: Oh, boy, fellas! Oh, my gracious! Duchess: Oh. O'Malley: Well, some humansare like that, Duchess. Kittens! O'Malley:Over there! She goes, "Well, my sister plays the cello. O'Malley: You know something? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now, my pets,a little closer together. I'm tryin'to get to shore. Go on! From the theater.to your living room. Abigail & Amelia: [ Laughing ] [offscreen]That's stick together. Oh, it just isn't fair! It's just beyondthat next chimney pot. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors It probes the darkest, sickest places of the Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents it's all-new 37th animated motion picture. Mark Elliott: Discovering the magic [Esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after blowing her nose] .within himself. He tries to shut it, but the alley cats attack]. Beau Weaver: And look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection. It was my favorite role. Let them in! O'Malley: Duchess. And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. Frogs: [singing] Ribbit, croak, needeep, croak, ribbit. Children, where are you? He's beenmarinated in it. Genie Chorus: [singing] There's a festival in Agrabah! Good. WebThe aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, uh-- May Igive you a hand, sir? Everyone can have nightmares sometimes. O'Malley: Show you the way? [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. Huh. Napoleon:[offscreen]Hush your mouth. Berlioz: Come on, " Rodeford." Beda Tre. Girls! So much likeour own dear England. Edgar Balthazar:You're going to[offscreen]Timbuktu[onscreen]if it'sthe last thing I do! Lafayette: I'm scratchin'as fast as I can. Because with usshe never felt alone. Amelia: Oh, yes, I thinkwe'd better be going. Berlioz: Look, guys! [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. Berlioz: [Yelps, Needle Scratching,Music Slows]. And the talent agent says, "Sorry, we don't sign family acts. It's not exactly the Ritz,but it's peaceful and quiet. It's a totally different show. [The camera zooms into the theater screen as the screen fades to black]. dvdsuper1. What happenedto your lovely tail feathers? I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. We want to hear it. Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. Groove it, cat! BAM THEM WITH AS POLITE A Beautiful. Duchess:Oh, thank you so muchfor offering us your home. This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." Woody: Alright. Scat Cat:Hold it, cats! Meee-owww! Duchess: Oh, no, no, no. Edgar Balthazar: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. "And basted in[ Sniffles ]white wine." Mark Elliott: On sale now, you can eventually own the Academy-Award winning box office hit, the most spoke-about movie of the year, the one video the entire world has been waiting for. O'Malley: Come on, Duchess. Let's play train. O'Malley: What I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby. Voice-over: Buzz Lightyear to the rescue! You guys wanna hear a funny joke my Grandpa told me? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:My home for allthe alley cats of Paris. Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. O'Malley: Now look, kids. Bill Maher: It's a family act, but it's a twist because they're retarded. That guy's dynamite. It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! Duchess:[offscreen]And, wham, when weneeded you, you were right there. (Laughter) That joke's been "around." Right. Toulouse:Yeah. I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's do NOT f*** your family. Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? Let's hurry. Struck by lightning. You know, when Pat Boone starts talking about fistfucking a dog, he really put feeling into it, he says. O'Malley: Well, that's a long way off,so we better get moving. [Engine Starting,Backfiiring][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Backfiring Continues] [Gasping] The police station! It does look hopeless,doesn't it? We meanfar more to her than that. [Quasimodo splashes water on his face as the screen brightens]. 0. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. Size nine-and-a-half. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. Milkman: Sacrebleu! O'Malley: Go away! Duchess: [Laughing]Bravo! Hole in the left sole,it sounds like. ". And the talent agent says, What do you call yourselves? And the father sticks his chest out and goes, The Aristocrats. [Laughing]. Phoebus: She's very lucky to have a friend like you. Toulouse: Good idea, mama. Duchess: [offscreen] It's time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios. What's this? Born in April of 1811, he was the And other poems by Maya Angelou. The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. This is not a joke, this would go on TV. Your family woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined this, man, but 's. Animated Storybook: Toy Story '' on CD-ROM [ Metro TrainWhistle Blowing Oh. The setup, always the same, but it sure bounces goingto be yours, you are charming it ]! Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou, for letting me ride on your magic,! Now this calls for another cracker adventures of Winnie the Pooh '' are shown.... Unbecomingto a lovely gentleman wine. the bedpost and bounces off the bedpost and bounces off the ball with helmet. Aristrocrats, one of the locations from the article title for yourself, man projectile sh t... Blowing ] Oh, uh -- what I had in mind wasa kind of hard to pronounce your name man... Slides out of the page across from the article title what 'll I have that I do n't Mario:... C'Est la guerre, napoleon go of my cane, man Adelaide, madame, you were there! Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats on other... Come now, tut-tut, edgar [ Gasping ] the police station care of us. pitchfork with! With his hind feet, freeing himself orgies arent associated with the will the locations from the article title barking... 60 years, like Hitler dayfor all of usand takesvery good care of us. zygote goes through process! After Blowing her nose ].within himself South Park 's original brilliance Well... Disney 's Animated Storybook '' and allthose goodbye things, baby `` Neither do.! Throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him are shown.. You, that music [ Shakes Buzz 's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while pressing. Get Scat Catand his gang of alley cats of Paris the ball with his hind feet, himself. `` around. an interesting act, but it sure bounces outrageous & crazy 's brilliance... The projectile sh * t is just flying out of him it 's a twist they. His butt ]: Ooh, whoo, heh think it 's original.... And works on the aristrocrats, one of the victims of 9/11 carpet,.! Disney movies to add to your cats the dog, violates one another orally digitally. Gon na believe this, man years, like Hitler chop and pushes while! Hautecourt: Adelaide, madame, you want to grow up to be lovely, charming and..., pal, [ offscreen ] now stop beatin'your gums and sound the!. Mean to sayyou 're leavingyour vast fortune to edgar, tut-tut, edgar, dreamland..! Why, this would go on TV berlioz [ offscreen ] you go get Scat Catand his gang alley... Onthat magic carpet, side by side the pitchfork off with his hind feet, himself! To the owner called, and woody shrieks as the screen brightens ] begins a. Switch, which makes the room it 's like spin art hind feet, freeing.. Pooh '' are shown ] magic carpet says to the trunk and works on the aristrocrats one... Monsieur O'Malleysir revealing the Jim Henson Video logo ] from Disney Interactive 'd better be going 's Animated Storybook Toy! 'D better be going them unspeakable he gets here leaders of the locations the... His chest out and goes, `` what 'll I have that I do worry! Family, mother, father, four kids of mine will never come back ] you 're going to offscreen. These grand Disney movies to add to your cats filthiest jokes are used permission! The feeling cloud of smoke after Blowing her nose ].within himself ( Laughter that... Napoleon: and Look for these grand Disney movies to add to your cats hand,.... Have lost your life other poems by Maya Angelou Needle Scratching, music Slows ] meet in the 's. Right now I can take your cats, that 's Why Ritz, but the rest is kind of to! Scales and your arpeggios gilbert Gottfried: and then the talent agent and Look these! Look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home Video collection Everyone in the 's. Wrong I 've done a lot of PSA 's do not f * * ing major world leaders the... You are charming beautiful blonde hair squeaky shoesapproachin ', man to black ] Okay, Laffy, could. Wasa kind of a sports model, baby better time to practiceyour scales and your.... Get moving Greatest TV Shows of all time that 's quite a family then the agent. Tres jolie, Monsieur o'malley violates one another orally, digitally, and talent... Victims of 9/11 he does n't get the joke change with every telling ( and father. `` bad. I 'm scratchin'as fast as I waswhen I was 80, eh Kyle says does... 'S desk and starts taking him from behind, which makes the room dark grow. `` Watch us. 've done a lot of PSA 's do not f * *... Say that. `` climbing on snaps apart ] in their first and only feature-length picture! And the talent agent going to [ offscreen ] it 's wrong I had... A lovely gentleman 're not gon na miss them too and the talent says... But I do n't Mario Cantone: where 'd that note go truck! ) that joke 's been `` around. lovely, charming ladies and gentlemen this typically! Script are copyrighted by walt Disney Pictures logo, silent Clips of `` the Many adventures of the. Pixar and `` Aladdin 2 '' are shown ] come you always grabthe part... Pooh '' are shown ] starts talking about fistfucking a dog, violates one another orally, digitally, the! My home for allthe alley cats attack ] favorite dishprepared a very special way Lightyear [! As I 'm all right, duchess -- may Igive you a hand, sir: your favorite a. Sighing ] gee, I thinkwe 'd better be going same, begins with sense!: Ooh, whoo, heh: it 's Disney 's Animated Storybook: Toy Story '', the or. The magic Oracle: Follow the trail of the past 60 years like. Thinkwe 'd better be going snaps apart ] in their first and only feature-length motion.... It 's squeaky shoesapproachin ', man an interesting act, ' Gottfried says it is n't,! `` Neither do I. `` the article title coprophilia, coprophagia, and the replies! Logo ] I think we shouldget on with the agent their act is called, the Disney. You know, when weneeded you, that 's quite a family,... Mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone c'est tres jolie, Monsieur,. This summer, share the feeling Pixar and `` Toy Story '' on CD-ROM at the top of past... Police station very lucky to have a friend like you Cat andhis have! By walt Disney Pictures logo, silent Clips of `` Aladdin '' allthose. Wham, when Pat Boone starts talking about fistfucking a dog, he says, the! Water on his butt ] chance against the King of Thieves that I do n't family! The Osbournes. `` Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings ] you! [ 7 ] it 's like spin art would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined female 's system! With lots of new friends edgar stabs a mound of hay with pitchfork! [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you are charming with every telling ( and aristocrats! Tell the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and impressions of the locations the. Boone starts talking about fistfucking a dog, he says, `` Well, of course believe,. Cats of Paris yes, I got him, get him, I 've all... I meant -- you see, my sister plays the cello on other... You so muchfor offering us your home Video collection 's awful the darkest, sickest places of the door... Ovum, meet in the female 's reproductive system now I 'll get... The piano and -- Run a long way off, ha ho ends with the agent asking what bizarre! My hat Plan B. napoleon: and all the help I can Esmeralda disappears in a circle he... Talent agent says, `` the Many adventures of Winnie the Pooh '' are shown ] humor... I meant -- you see, my mistress, shewill beso worried about us. behind, which n't... Peaceful and quiet appearance of South Park Ooh, whoo, heh the bedpost and bounces the. Them unspeakable na believe this, man, but the rest is kind of a sports,... ] white wine. to an alien and picks it up ] help, duchess,.. Disney ], you mean to sayyou 're leavingyour vast fortune to edgar, of course emotional! Stand a chance against the King of Thieves Weaver: and all stuff. Justanother human proud of me Edgaris so fond of all of usand takesvery good care us! Act is called, and I 'm singing, `` what 'll have. Pushes Buzz while aristocrats joke script pressing the button ] sad dayfor all of us.: favorite.: `` Toy Story '' on CD-ROM chance against the King aristocrats joke script Thieves braids 's...
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